queer teenage girls have to look out for each other because who the fuck else is going to???????
my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking breathe
We had to do this and I was partnered with a boy whose parents are a scientist and a doctor. My family spawned the book: Top Drawer Villain - autobiography of a London criminal.
First of all, we had to choose where we would shop. He wanted to buy from Booths. “We are not buying from Booths," I snapped. "Get on Asda’s website right now." His face froze.
“A-Asda?" he whispered. "But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.”
This was a good start.
We then had to decide on a menu. We started on breakfast. “Toast," he said.
“Toast," I said. "Great. Look, Asda has its own wholemeal—”
“Warburton’s thick-slice white bread. Nothing else. With olive oil.”
“You WHAT?" I choked. "You have olive oil, on your toast, in the morning?”
He frowned. “Who doesn’t?”
“Okay," I said, "but what will the children eat?”
He gaped at me. “The children? We have children?”
We continued. All was well until it came to what we would have on our sandwiches. We even sorted out the children’s lunch - they, of course, would get free school meals. “Yes," he agreed; "if we can’t even afford Bertolli then they can get school meals on the government.”
He asked what dressing we should have on our ham. “Nuh-uh," I said. "Can’t have ham. I’m vegetarian.”
“But I’m not.”
“Yes, but we’re married and we can only afford one sandwich filler so it has to be vege—”
“Of course we’re married! You’re devout Christian - how do you think I convinced you to have children?”
He shook his head, frowning. “Well I want ham. You’ll have to put back the washing powder - I need ham on my sandwiches.”
We continued. Finally, it was dinner. “Okay," he said, clearly thinking hard; "for dinner, we can have… Chicken nuggets and… Beans?”
“Vegetarian nuggets then. And beans.”
“We need vegetables. The children have to have a balanced diet.”
“You and your children!" he yelled, and the whole class looked around.
“They’re your children too!" I screamed back.
He leapt to his feet, shaking his head and looking distraught. “I don’t believe it - I don’t believe you! I wouldn’t have your children!”
“Please," I cried, standing up also. "Don’t—”
“I want a divorce!”
And he walked out of the classroom.
The teacher stood up and stared between me and the door through which he had vanished. “I’m sorry," I whispered, "but we couldn’t do it any more. There were just too many differences - I can’t live with someone who thinks champagne is a budget.”
I can’t wait to see this guy when he gets to university.
holy shit that’s glorious
I tried a 2-D printer once, and the paper jammed.
So now I just painstakingly re-create my paper copies by hand, like a medieval monk.
i tried using paper, but the edges crumpled
so now i just chisel my commandments into stone, like old testament god
I tried using stone, but it cracked and broke.
Now I just scream everything at passersby, hoping they’ll remember what I said so I can ask them about it when I need it.
I tried shouting things at passersby but they ignored me.
Now I emit allohormones in a gypsobelum that bonds selectively with the recipient’s hemolymph to reconfigure their bursa copulax into a copulatory canal. I can only say one thing, “I want to mate with you,” but really, what else ever needs to be said?
imagine spock going back to vulcan to be honored with an award for scientific excellency or whatever
and even though its an award ceremony its still very solemn theres no clapping or cheering when people come on stage
finally its spocks turn and as he bows to the high priest and straightens up to receive his medal he hears a REALLY LOUD whistle from the audience
and he turns around and jims in the middle of all these stone faced vulcans like
- Me: you can talk to me whenever you feel bad! I'll always be there for you
- Me: *bottles up problems* *doesnt talk about it with anyone* *lays in bed instead of trying to solve my own problems*
Whatever you guys do, just please be safe :*
FUCKING BLESS THIS SIGNAL BOOST REBLOG NOW! THIS IS SO NECESSARY
you can find this on my tagged/wizardmickeyls for future reference.. this is so damn important.
as someone who works a safety team at events I can promise you this is accurate and incredibly useful! Honesty is truly the best policy with this stuff when things go south
I’ve always known this and super glad someone put this into a simple but informative post. Reblog reblog reblog
There’s an electro festival close to where I work and every year, we admit a few dozen overdoses.
Knowing what we’re up against makes it so much easier for us to take care of you. We’re not here to judge, we’re here to help. We realize you didn’t intend to overdose, you just got unlucky.
if countries were students
- Australia: The class clown who makes everyone laugh
- America: The jock who loves themselves and everyone secretly hates
- Canada: The nice person who offers to show you around on your first day
- England: The hot boy everybody wants to bang because he's a gentlemen
- New Zealand: Australia's little brother who is the only one who thinks Australia sucks
- The Netherlands: That high kid in the back that everyone just ignores
- France: The romantic playboy who hangs around England too much
- China: The overly smart kid who puts his hand up for every question
- Russia: The scary large kid that nobody talks to because they'll probably get stabbed
my special skill is being able to remove stickers off of books
I am so jealous of you rn I wish I could do that
Use a blow-dryer to heat up the sticker and it’ll come right off.
WE NEED MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU ON EARTH THANK YOU FRIEND
I wish there was some sort of blanket you could cover yourself with but it didn’t make you warm it just provided the sensation of being covered because some nights it’s just too hot for a blanket but I need something covering me so it’s a choice between boiling to death or being completely vulnerable to monsters